readings

mike and i knew we were not going to have the most traditional wedding ceremony with it being in a field rather than a church, not to mention it just not being very us, we felt we were freed up from sticking to the Corinthians (though i do love it) for one of our readings. and really, after walking down the aisle to a whiter shade of pale a passage from John just didnt seem to fit.

that being said some of the moments i am most excited about are the readings we chose to include in our ceremony. the first one we knew we wanted right away, though we thought it was hair brained, but were so excited when our officiant supported us without hesitation.

since mike and i met in film school, are suckers for romantic comedies, and were friends for over 8 years before we started dating, we couldn't imagine not including that special passage from when harry met sally in our wedding.

Harry: I've been doing a lot of thinking. And the

thing is, I love you.

Sally: What?

Harry: I love you.

Sally: How do you expect me to respond to this?

Harry: How about you love me too?

Sally: How about I'm leaving.

Harry: Doesn't what I said mean anything to you?

Sally: I'm sorry Harry, I know it's New Years Eve, I know

you're feeling lonely, but you just can't show up here, tell me

you love me and expect that to make everything alright.

It doesn't work this way.

Harry: Well how does it work?

Sally: I don't know but not this way.

Harry: Well how about this way. I love that you get

cold when it's seventy one degrees out, I love that it takes you an hour

and a half to order a sandwich, I love that you get a little crinkle

above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts, I love that

after I spend a day with you I can still smell your perfume on my clothes

and I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go

to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because

it's New Years Eve. I came here tonight because when you realise you want

to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of the

life to start as soon as possible.

Sally: You see, that is just like you Harry. You say

things like that and you make it impossible for me to hate you.

And I hate you Harry... I really hate you. I hate you.

(They kiss and make up.)

the second reading came to us as the perfect solution to our first dance song debate. mike discovered through his own channels how played out the song he had been attached to was in the hipster community and let is go. the compromise that i had been mulling over for some time was that the song could work really well as a poem - as a song it's almost a love letter - and we could include it in our day as a part of our ceremony. it will be read by a friend who is very dear to us.

Bright Eyes "first day of my life"

This is the first day of my life

I swear I was born right in the doorway

I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed

They're spreading blankets on the beach

Yours is the first face that I saw

I think I was blind before I met you

Now I don’t know where I am

I don’t know where I’ve been

But I know where I want to go

And so I thought I’d let you know

That these things take forever

I especially am slow

But I realize that I need you

And I wondered if I could come home

Remember the time you drove all night

Just to meet me in the morning

And I thought it was strange you said everything changed

You felt as if you'd just woke up

And you said “this is the first day of my life

I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you

But now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you

And I’d probably be happy”

So if you want to be with me

With these things there’s no telling

We just have to wait and see

But I’d rather be working for a paycheck

Than waiting to win the lottery

Besides maybe this time is different

I mean I really think you like me

advice

when i was in LA i made a point to have lunch with a certain dear friend of mine who happens to have been married to his high school sweetheart for 7 years now, so i had to ask if he had any advice to pass on to us...

he had three things to say.

1- the seven year itch does exist (may be hard to hear but at least he's honest with me)

2- that advice about not going to bed mad is not just a cliche it's something to live by

3 - read the book his needs, her needs. though an affair is not a concern of theirs he feels that the book is right on. so much so that he read it and then said to his wife, "i'm not sure about the her needs stuff but the his needs are spot on" - his wife after reading had the reverse to say, they have since referred to the book as a reminder not only to know what the other needs to but actively work on it at all times.

Marriage works only when each spouse takes the time to consider the other's needs and strives to meet them. In His Needs, Her Needs, Willard Harley identifies the ten most vital needs of men and women and shows husbands and wives how to satisfy those needs in their spouses.

oh, harold... that's *wonderful*. go and love some more.

Harold and Maude has been one of my favorite movies since i was about 15 years old. i even have a daisy tattoo as a friendly reminder to pay attention to my own imperfections and uniqueness and to not think of myself as just one of many lost in the field...and to remember that the opportunity to love is always worth a potentially broken heart.




Maude: I should like to change into a sunflower most of all. They're so tall and simple. What flower would you like to be?
Harold: I don't know. One of these, maybe.
Maude: Why do you say that?
Harold: Because they're all alike.
Maude: Oooh, but they're *not*. Look. See, some are smaller, some are fatter, some grow to the left, some to the right, some even have lost some petals. All *kinds* of observable differences. You see, Harold, I feel that much of the world's sorrow comes from people who are *this*,
[she points to a daisy]
Maude: yet allow themselves be treated as *that*.
[she gestures to a field of daisies]

one big check mark

this weekend in addition to finding a bridesmaid dress for my future sister-in-law's wedding mike and i finally met with our tent/rental company (insert tears of frustration about having to shell out thousands of dollars for a stupid tent) and our officiant.

as it should be, meeting Julie (said officiant) made it all feel so so real. more real than bringing home the dress and more real than dropping off the save the dates, in such a good way. as we drove up to maine super early saturday morning i read some of the options for blessings, readings, prayers, and ring ceremonies she had sent us out loud to mike. there was something really sweet about reading a portion and knowing that mike loved it just as much as i did, or pausing to talk about which friends would be perfect to read something we had just heard, it just filled me with such warm rich love and excitement.

our officiant expelled positive energy and we're both so excited to have our marriage in her hands. in the midst of the stressful organizational and budgetary tasks and fun decorating tasks that we have been spending a lot of our planning time and energy dealing with, it was really grounding to spend some time focusing on what we want to say about our love and the life we are going to spend together.

something i really like about Julie is that she gave us sheets and sheets of options for every single part of the ceremony. some super traditional, some not so traditional, some short and to the point and some really poetic. she even included this excerpt from the velveteen rabbit:

“What is real?” asked the velveteen rabbit one day, when he and the toy skin horse were lying side by side in the nursery. “Real isn’t how you’re made.” said the toy skin horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When someone really loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with but really loves you, then you become real.” “Does it hurt?’ asked the rabbit. “Sometimes,” said the skin horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are real you don’t mind being hurt.” “Does it happen all at once, like being wound up?” he asked, “Or bit by bit?” “It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the skin horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept. Once you are real, you can’t become unreal again.”

I think it's kinda great and has really got us thinking out of the box about some of the readings we might want to include. since we are both film buffs - having met in film school - we're even thinking movie quotes. Have you guys started choosing readings? Are you going traditional? I'd love to hear what you have decided to include!

we got married in a fever

more lovers to live up to...June Carter and Johnny Cash

more lovers to live by...

john and yoko...

WOMAN JOHN LENNON

ah love...

...because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible... When Harry Met Sally

our secrets to a happy marraige

over on A Cup of Jo bloggers from all corners of the design and wedding worlds have been sharing their secrets to a happy marriage while Joanna is on her honeymoon. as a collection i think they are such an inspiring and thoughtful group. they should be made into a little book to be given to newlyweds for inspiration. get over there and check it out.

more wisdom

this from one of my dearest, Sue who is 7 weeks (only 7weeks!) away from saying I Do. Love her. Love you Sue. I hope to be as wise, excited, and level headed as you are after another full year of this wedding madness.

"...it's so easy to get caught up in those blogs. honestly, i've really cut back lately. i'll sign in to blogger, update my own, read my friends and ration how much wedding reading i do. it's so true. unless you're hell bent on getting yourself featured as a real wedding on Style Me Pretty, who gives a crap if your paper items keep a theme, if your fonts are a-may-zing, if your flower containers are extremely clever, if your dress is super fancy ;), if every element of the day is DIY, designer or totally never-been-done-before. FUCK THAT!

i just want to have fun and not have any family members complain about anything. and i want really good tunes and i want lots of pictures and film and cupcakes and salsa and guacamole...

it is not a photoshoot. and it's not a competition for a blog. phew."

wedding planning words of wisdom

this came from Sara at a 2000 wedding:

"One of the problems with looking at so much lovely wedding porn (which I do!) is that I start to think about creating a wedding for the voyeurs rather than the participants. When we look at the flat, beautiful images from other people's weddings (the centerpieces, the tablecloths, the bouquets, the rings, the shoes, etc.), we start to internalize the idea that the guests at our wedding will be scrutinizing these things at our own weddings. The truth is, if we invite our nearest and dearest to our weddings, most of them won't be voyeurs; they will be participants. And participants care a lot less about the beautiful details that a) can stress us out, b) can cost a lot of money, and c) detract us from the more meaningful aspects of planning a wedding."

...and breathe out...thank you for this realistic perspective!

words to live by

brilliant advice of the day, via East Side Bride

"Your wedding is not a photo shoot."