Wednesday, January 13, 2010

wishing on a star

one of the light hearted debates mike and i are dealing with is "our song." (i'm taking a break from dealing with or thinking about all things stressful, tent, transportation, or guest list related) we both really love music, and after being together for years and many many a mix cd for the other person we have a TON of songs that remind us of each other, or falling in love, or being in love, or driving across the country, or of waiting patiently for each other, you get the point - and im sure many of you can relate.

as we're boiling it down we find ourselves in a debate between two songs. one of the songs is a classic, well known love song that i love because mike put it on a mix cd for our first official date - valentines day, for our drive to the sunset restaurant in mailbu. it was probably the most romantic night of my life, and he had planned everything out to a T, incorporating a cd for the drive up, and a different, more romantic cd for the drive home. not only was the song part of the evening but it also tells a story of loving someone from afar for a long time before you are actually given permission to love them, something that we relate to since we knew each other for 8 years and loved each other from afar before we became romantically involved.

sounds pretty good right? well, the hitch is that we (mike) fears that it is too cliche for a first song, something heaps of other couples use, and he wants something more unique to us. (oh! i forgot! it's also one of my favorite songs that mike plays/sings probably part of why it means a lot to me - i more often than not hear it directly from him)

the second song is one i shared with mike more recently because it's honest and romantic in a very modern way. i love the song, he loves the song, and it's about your life not really "starting" until the other person became a part of it. it's heart wrenching, it is, but my fear is that it won't last the test of time. will we look back on it and think? oh yeah i forgot about that song?

this idea was reinforced on christmas when we visited one of mike's relatives. his aunt and uncle were married on the same day we will be married. they are such a fantastic couple and are still obviously so in love after all these years and are really something that we aspire to be. we want to make sure to acknowledge their anniversary during our wedding and the first thing that came to mind was - we should surprise them play their song for them. so at christmas, when they were asking about our planning etc i casually asked what their song was, thinking it would be quick and easy and sneaky - except they couldn't remember it. after asking all of the other relatives in the room someone finally remembered - Rose Royce Wishing on a Star.

i couldn't help but think, how sad will i be with myself if i forget? i know now it seems impossible but after 35 years of life and family and children and work, will i forget?

it could be that the first song has been a part of our story for longer that i feel like it will be impossible to forget, but then again, if the second song is "our song" it will become a much bigger part of our story and hopefully unforgettable.

at the moment we are at a stand still, i know we will find a meaningful way to incorporate both songs in some way, but i thought i'd share some of my thought process with you all. what are you doing for your song? is it something incredibly personal to you? perhaps it just tells your story, or is a timeless love song, or all out fun?


  1. Ugh, we don't have a song :( I have a song that totally reminds me of Mr Fix It and our relationship and he told me he has a song that does the same for him about me. However, neither of us has ever told the other one what those sons are! Funny, right? The song I love we are using for my walk down the aisle and he has said that he will have his song played at some point during the reception - not sure when and how he is going to incorporate it. But for our first dance, we were hoping to have a choreographed swing dance and so I came up with a song or two that I thought would be perfect for this. We are having our first dance lesson this Friday and I was going to spring the song(s) on him then for his opinion. But now, we have had a lot of stressful things going on with us lately and he told me this morning that he doesn't know if he wants to take on the stress of dance lessons and having to invest a lot of practice time.

    I never wanted to do the slow, swaying first dance kind of thing but if life throws us a curve ball and it is an added stress for him, then I am okay with whatever it is...So now, I think I will go post about this since you've got me thinking! :)

    I think either one of your songs will be fine. I kind of agree with Mike because I am all about not using things at our wedding that people will most likely have seen/heard before or at other weddings. So I can see his concern...the second song might be totally fine, too. Who cares if it is more modern? Regardless of which you choose, you will hopefully remember the moment...don't worry about remembering the song :) Besides, music has a way of suddenly kick starting your memory and taking you back to wonderful moments in your life.

  2. you made such a great point that i wasn't thinking of - which is that just because the first song means all of those things to me doesn't mean that's what it is for him. he loved the song beforehand and already had his own meaning affixed to it before he put it on that cd for me - thank you - i will keep that in mind as the conversation continues! and can't wait to read about your first song journey-also - a swing dance doesnt need to be fully choreographed, once you get a move or two in your pocket you can wing it!

  3. What will you pick? I love that he made CD's for the drive - what a sweetheart!

    Mr B and I ended up picking a song that wasn't 'our song' that we both thought was classic and fun. This will be by Natalie Cole. Now it's our song though. I hope we don't forget either.

  4. I totally feel you on this topic...except it's the opposite for me and my fiance, we've only known eachother for 6 months...we're still have so man years of creating memories together around for now we just have to chose a song that represents who we are now! we just chose tonight...its by Train, called Marry me

  5. We discuss this over and over and have yet to select a song! We don't have "our song" and although there are some songs that are meaningful to us, they also talk about things like break ups - not the best first dance message! :) We might just have to go the route of a timeless love song for us. Good luck with your decision! Can't wait to see what you pick! :)

  6. * * *
    I can give you a little insight about our song experience, having already done it. Firstly, and this is just my opinion, I WOULDN’T WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT IT! I did too for a while, fretting mostly because at first I couldn’t even really pick a song that I felt was our song, then suddenly feeling like EVERY song was our song, worrying like you that I would look back & feel it was cheesy, dated, not really us, etc etc. Eventually, I wanted this other song that not many people would know, you can barely hear the lyrics & while Neil & I never shared a particular memory associated with this song, it was by a band we both like and that I felt Neil had introduced me to & that I started listening to as we fell in love... In the end, it was Neil who ended up feeling strongly about Bowie’s Heroes & despite me feeling it was too long & not the most danceable (and I was right on both points!!), I surprised myself by eventually NOT REALLY CARING! And I still don’t. We cut our song short (the dancing was torture!) & to me the song really doesn’t matter. The song definitely makes me smile every time I hear it, but more for the memory of me trying to get Neil to “practice” to it in our living room – if only to prove my point about its awkwardness ;) (though I don think it's great that his rare romantic side came out in choosing that song - swoon!!)

    And the song that I liked more but we didn’t choose? That feels special to me too now because I still consider that OUR song. I guess it's like our secret song...

    One last thought. If only that secret song had a mention of the band's name in the lyrics... If people knew it was by the Compulsive Gamblers, it would have been the best Vegas wedding song ever! xx