Wednesday, March 10, 2010

a very long engagement

this week marks a full year since mike proposed to me... and i have to say it's been a long year, and im a bit worn out with all this wedding stuff, its begining to feel like a very very long engagement.

when we were first engaged we knew we wanted to be married in september but werent sure which year, 2009 or 2010. a 2009 wedding would mean a rather quick engagement and a wedding in a month where both of our siblings already had 3 of the 4 weekends booked up in addition to our fear that some of our dear friends might not make the party because of time needed for them to manage their travel or days away from work ( remember a lot of our friends live in los angeles.) we decided to wait.
i got a lot of grief from my parents about waiting so long, they couldnt understand what the complications were and why we would want to wait. in the end i am happy with our decision but a lot has happened in a year that has left me thinking about what might have been different if we had just gone for it.

the first hiccups are totally selfish bratty challenges that, at times i admit really got to me, but in general and in retrospect, have not been too much of a pain. since we have been engaged we have had 4 sets of friends (one set being mike's sister) get engaged - all of which are getting married before us. i couldnt help but feel like my thunder was stolen time and time again, i had only a few short weeks to feel special before i was going to engagement parties for my future sister in law with hardly the opportunity to slide in where appropriate that i was getting married too. it's been 10 months of celebrating others engagements and planning their weddings while i blog about my adventures in the privacy of my own home.

the second set of life changes are a little bigger. when we were engaged a year ago mike and i both had stable, 50 hour a week jobs and paychecks. since then we were both laid off, he has since taken up waiting tables and bartending while i am still waiting for the unemployment to kick in. looking back i feel like part of why we thought we were prepared to be married was that our professional lives were chugging along nicely like proper adults which since has changed. now mike and i find ourselves wondering how we became the degenerates of our families over cheap beer at the end of the day rather than looking at real estate.

the final changes are really the hardest to handle. as you know mike and i lost a dear friend a few weeks ago that was to read at our wedding, it hurts me to think that if we had the wedding last september he would have still been with us... but thats not the only health related complication. my father has since been diagnosed with a heart condition that requires him to have open heart surgery. we find out next week when the surgery will be, (we're thinking may so that he has time to heal) but it has left the family reluctant to book hotel rooms or flights for grandmothers until the surgery is over and we know he is okay. i have been trying my hardest not to have morbid thoughts because i know he will be fine, but it is definitely a hurdle that we are currently confronted with that has become a bit of a wall. finally mike's paternal grandfather is 96 years old and has been told that he has an aneurism that will end his life and he has decided not to have the procedure to try and prevent it which makes us feel like the clock is ticking and we might lose him any day.

(vintage paint by numbers that make me think of what the farm will look like in september)

im not going to say that i have regrets, or that my folks were right. i know we are going to have a fabulous party, almost all of our friends are going to be there with us, and i will have a full 2 months to celebrate without sharing my spotlight once the other weddings have come and gone. i no longer have to worry about missing work for the wedding or honeymoon, and with all this new free time i have lots of energy to devote to the design of our invitations and reception decor, but it feels good to admit that i have thought - what if? and, boy did we make a mistake?

how are all of you feeling about your engagement periods? way to long? not enough time? any regrets? are they all a mixed bag?


  1. So sorry to hear about everything that has been going on! Especially all the medical stuff. That can be so scary with all the uncertainty that surrounds it. I've noticed you've been "missing" from the blogosphere and have often thought about you. But you couldn't have known that all these things were going to happen. You made the best decision you could at the time and there is no way you could have known that things would turn out the way they did. I hope everything goes well from now on for you guys! Hang in there and happy engageaversary! Will be thinking about you

  2. Oh how I can relate to your problems right now! My 95 year old grandmother is also very ill and could go any day now. With only 37 days to the wedding I just keep praying she doesn't pass right before the big day or while we are away on our honeymoon. We have been engaged for 14 months now and it has been a super hard year for us..mostly for Mr Fix It. He has had a lot of financial hiccups and unexpected things come up and work has been slow. Thankfully it is starting to pick up a little bit, but it is still stressful for sure. On top of that, our dog is very ill as well and every week we wonder if this will be the time we need to put him down - right before the wedding! :(

    Like you, I have had several friends get engaged well after us and they are getting married immediately after us. One of them even planned her wedding for the weekend after ours while we'll be on our trip so I won't be able to attend. She was really sorry about it but I mean, come on! You've known for six months when our wedding was before you booked your date! Seriously!?!

    It really is the whole 'when it rains it pours' type of feeling lately.

    Hang in there...I just keep telling myself to take it a day at a time and even though I am super stressed, emotional, uncertain and worried about what is or may happen, the truth is, you just have to do the best you can with what you've got and remind yourself that there is hope to be found in all circumstances. :)

  3. i'm sorry for your loss. wedding timelines are never a science.

  4. Thinking of you. It will all work out. I just know it. x

  5. As the old saying goes, good things happen to thise who wait. Love engagements and the anticipation to th ewedding, so much planning but happy times. From engagement rings